Let's start a conversation...

"We could learn a lot from crayons; some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, while others bright, some have weird names, but they have all learned to live together in the same box!"

Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Luc lesson

Luc's favourite toy at the moment is anything and I mean anything anyone else is holding or playing with!

I realise that, a lot of the time, that is me too.
I want that persons car, house, shoes, cool couch, hair, body, job, lifestyle, holiday, ipad, phone (ugh i hate my bb at the moment), furniture, garden, bank balance...

But life is definitely happier and simpler if i play with and enjoy my own stuff!

P.S. That is Philippe's granny (Lucs great granny) in the background. She has just turned 90! Isn't she amazing!

Monday, 29 April 2013

On getting a new car while my neighbour goes to bed hungry

We got a new car last week wednesday. Yay! Finally... we traded in our little ford fiesta, Jarvis (that was his name) for a family sized nissan livina. Feels very grown up to have a family vehicle. But it is wonderful and has loads more space and nice to drive.

But, getting a new car got my guilt juices dripping.
On the same day a lady whose one child has recently passed away asked for food.
On the same day our domestic worker was at work and she will walk to and from home.
On the same day i drove past lots of people who have lots less than me.

we live in a land of such disparity, it is hard to know how to react to these huge differences. i dont think the answer is for me to not get a new car but is hard to reconcile my need (of a new car) with my neighbours need (of food for today.
when i write a blog like this i wish i had some answers about what would be right. i dont. I really dont. i wish i knew what to do with this tension of living generously but also giving in the right way and also looking after my family. Any ideas?

Tuesday, 23 April 2013

Luc lesson

I alluded to this in my last Luc lesson...
My boy is content! He is a really chilled out, content child.

I struggle with contentment- it seems like i am forever chasing something and worrying about something and looking forward or back. i struggle to just be here. enjoying now. not stressing, not planning and making lists in my head. Not thinking about someone else so i miss out on the people i am busy with now.

sometimes it also feels like where i am at now is never good enough. i start with the "what ifs" and "if onlys" rather just enjoying what i have now. And enjoying whatever is going on now.

Luc is content. He is always in the here and now. He enjoys what he is doing now. He engages with the people he is with now. he doesnt fight what is happening now.

he enjoys
he marvels
he learns
he explores
he does whatever he is doing right now with all his energy
i think that is contentment

Saturday, 20 April 2013

One of those days...

Yesterday i had one of those days... i dropped some balls in the juggling act that is being a (part time) working mom.
i had an assessment booked that i didnt write in my diary and so got a phone call at 8.40 (assessments are booked for 8.30) "where are you???"... Panic!

Luckily my mom helped me out to look after Luc and the secretary covered for me till i got there. I was late for my assessment. Not the end of the world. And Luc spent the morning with my mom. Not the end of the world.

But i was devastated. I was so frustrated with myself and felt like such a failure. And needless to say i cried a whole bunch. i am an organised person and (usually) i am on top of stuff... i hate not being those things so this little ball dropping really upset me.
But... I really was being too hard on myself. And i think as a mom i am. I felt bad because i had to wake Luc up to bundle him in  the car... And i just felt like i am not managing which is actually ok. That is why we have support systems. Hubbys, moms, friends, church, moms group. And i realise i need to call on them more.
It is hard being a mom. And it is ok to sometimes be a little out of control...

Tuesday, 16 April 2013

Changing the world vs talking about changing the world...

There was this quote on FB a couple of weeks back about how we are more interested in talking about changing the world than actually changing it... I am paraphrasing cos i cant find it anymore.

Its made me think! A LOT!

at school when we had to choose captions for our classes photos and some of my friends said mine should be "most likely to change the world". It stuck with me cos i was so chuffed by that... Turns out the class voted instead for "intelligent blond- she broke her own nose!!!"
Anyway... the point is that i have always had this deep desire to see change happen and feel like i have made a significant difference. but this quote has made me think that maybe i just talk a lot about it but dont actually do anything that brings about change?

Been thinking about how we bring about change? How can we REALLY change the world?
At the moment my world can be super tiny and some days just be taken up with Luc. Am i being significant and bringing about change?
I would like to think i am. I am loving him so he can love others
I am being constant in his life so he can be reliable and constant in the future
We are exploring (everything) so he will know what he likes and doesnt in the future and can grow up decisive and assertive.
Hopefully he is seeing me being kind, generous and fair so he can be those things.

What i want him to see me doing more of is:
standing up against injustice, against poverty, against sadness, against hunger.
Standing up when people are racist, lying, mean or just plain rude.
Speaking up for the voiceless, intimidated or downtrodden.

Even if it is 1 person at a time.
That is changing the world. Not just talking about it!

Saturday, 13 April 2013

Luc lesson

Luc is such a joy... What i love about him is how the simplest things give him so much pleasure and happiness!
My Luc lesson this week is about taking immense, overwhelming, toe- curling pleasure in small things... like:
  1. Bathing
  2. Seeing people you love (even if they've only just stepped out the room)
  3. The tupperware cupboard (Luc's new favourite play spot)
  4. Trees (my boy is a sucker for trees)
  5. Tasting new things (although Luc thinks yoghurt IS the nectar of the gods...)
  6. Being around people
  7. Making cool= loud noises with different things
  8. Moving
  9. Seeing and touching and tasting
  10. Snuggling up with your favourite soft toy (Luc's toy is sheepy)
  11. Playing in the sandpit
  12. Splashing
  13. Laughing
  14. Hugs and kisses (we are getting open mouthed gobby kisses in return these days)
  15. Being content (I think Luc's contentment is a whole posting of its own)
  16. Pulling funny faces
  17. Finding your voice
  18. Sleeping
  19. Being at home 

Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Racist talk!

Over the weekend we saw some peeps we haven't seen in a while and i was a little stunned by the racist talk... Not directed at my racial group or the majority of us that were present, but racist...
what i wonder... when people talk like that about one group, do they talk like that about all different groups... depending on the audience?

I am so over racist talk.

It is unnecessary and nasty and generalising (which i hate!). I dont think it is ever OK to speak like that and i wonder why people still think its OK? I think we all struggle with racist generalisations at some stage but hopefully they stay in our heads! And we deal with them in our heads and try change our thinking...
Racism is not right. It is not right like adultery, lying, maliciousness, slander, assault,  are not right... We know those things are not right so why does racism slip through as OK?

Sunday, 7 April 2013


I know as white English South Africans we are sometimes ashamed of our culture or lack thereof? we aren't always sure what our culture looks like. We don't have a definite list of WHITE ENGLISH foods or a WHITE ENGLISH dress code and so we feel like we dont have a culture!?

In thinking about how i want to raise Luc i have been thinking about my culture or tradition and what i want to pass on to him. I realised that it isnt important if it is my white english culture or Philippe's coloured culture what i want to pass on to him is our families culture and traditions...
And language has me a bit stumped here... Traditions? Culture? The best term seems to be "things we do"

So these are some things that i want to pass on to him. Some are Philippe's families things, some are from my family but most are from our family. And some we do, some we do sometimes and some are only good intentions but will hopefully become traditions.
  1. Loving and valuing family. And prioritising family
  2. Celebrating birthdays with singing (Philippe's family are much better at the singing!), presents (my family) and in particular quirky pressies (Us!)
  3. Eating together as a family
  4. Love for the outdoors
  5. Respecting and being interested in other people (even different, weird ones)
  6. Being silly and funny and laughing at your own jokes and having in- family jokes that only we find funny
  7. Giving to people in need
  8. Being generous with our time, money and stuff (Philippe is better at this than me...Work in progress!)
  9. Attending church as a family
  10. Love for reading
  11. Being life- long learners
  12. Not being apathetic
  13. Valuing and celebrating our friends
  14. Exercising regularly (Again something Philippe does better than me)
  15. Saving 1 christmas present to open with just our immediate family on christmas morning regardless of who we are sharing christmas with
  16. Cuddling together in bed (once in a while!)
  17. Chatting through out the day on bbm, sms, fb, whats app...
i will keep adding to this list as i think of things...

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Luc lesson

been thinking a lot about what i thought i knew vs what i really know vs what books tell me i know in this parenting game.
When we fell pregnant i went a bit crazy with reading stuff. i love to read and now i had a whole new unknown subject to read up on... WELL- worst idea ever! all that reading just completely freaked me out and made me paranoid. i mean, one website even said you cant drink tap water when you are pregnant! Seriously?! So i made a decision- 1 book! and i stuck to it... Sure i asked peoples opinions and people gave their opinions (lots of them) without being asked BUT those are easier to ignore!

in parenting i have tried to stick to the same principle- 1 book! but even that has been hard. what i have realised (my luc lesson) is that i need to trust myself. Philippe and i are Luc's parents for a reason. Because God chose us to be and we need to trust that we actually know our son.
and honestly- you do what works for you! One of my friends said to me that it is like when you become a parent there is no more judgement of other parents. so true! i understand now- you are just doing what works for you.
So, for us... Luc doesnt sleep well during the day and we dont force it because he sleeps pretty well at night. it works for us!
Luc often wont eat unless we put yoghurt with his food. it works for us!

If he won't sleep at night he comes into bed with us. It works for us!
We give him a dummy. It works for us!

We have a nanny when i work 3 mornings a week. It works for us!

The trick is trusting ourselves in these decisions...