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"We could learn a lot from crayons; some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, while others bright, some have weird names, but they have all learned to live together in the same box!"

Tuesday, 29 October 2013

One of those days...

TODAY was one of those days...

Not enough sleep last night
Not enough sleep during the day

And then:
Fighting about eating
Fighting about sitting in the trolley
Fighting about sitting in the car seat
Fighting about going
Fighting about staying
Fighting about floating at swimming (Luc thought i was a jungle gym and didnt want to detach from me)

I feel:
I spend the whole day picking up bits of semi- digested food and toys and repacking cupboards that are instantly unpacked again
I spend my whole life washing bottles
I spend my whole day fighting (see above ;-))
Not good enough
Tired, bone weary exhausted
Guilty for feeling any of this

And then... I speak to friends, go to music group, go to swimming and i realise i am ok. i am doing ok. These days happen and are ok.
they (thankfully) pass!

Monday, 28 October 2013

Boys/ Girls/ Who can tell???

Luc is a busy boy... Now that he is walking he is into everything (like the loo, dustbins, my makeup, his nappy bin) and wants to walk everywhere and see everything. And he has started with the tantrums (and i am ashamed to admit biting (mostly me)).

Luc has always been a fussy eater and an occasional sleeper and even more so now that the world is so exciting! No time for eating and sleeping!

I hear myself often explaining away difficult traits as "its because he is a boy". And to a large extent i agree... wow- even from this age are boys and girls different. So different.

But i want to watch myself so i dont generalise away Lucs life.

I want to notice the small nuances of his behaviour
I want to let him explore for himself what it means to be a boy
I want to watch and be there as he gets to discover his masculinity and femininity
I want to revel in this crazy, busy, difficult, new and different time.

Monday, 7 October 2013

Being in hospital

I read this blog post of my ex- pastors daughter (sounds more complicated than it is.... We just moved churches, no hard feelings) on being in hospital. Read about it here.

Made me think back to being in hospital and feelings around that and how it left quite an imprint. This was in 2009...I got a nasty tummy bug so had to be hospitilised but the really sucky part was that Philippe was away. So my brother came to my rescue and was amazing at getting me to hospital, fetching clothes, looking after our house and dog. He was Dr Mike, medicine woman...  4 nights in hospital... lots of tests and not enough sleep because of the craziness of 4.30am tea (really??? Who actually drinks that tea???) and then a couple of scopes as an out- patient. All in all not a fun time!

Being a patient made me realise a few things:
It is very different being a patient versus an OT (or any health care professional). It made no difference that i understood some of what was going on. it was still nerve wracking and, as is always the case in these situations, you cant believe it is happening to you.

Hospitals are not nice places. Apart from the crazy schedules the atmosphere in the hospital was oppressive. i can remember hardly sleeping the first night and being terrified. My friend Sonja prayed with me the next day and i definitely slept better the day after that.

Dignity is not a concern for health professionals. I know that cos i have been on the other side. I was unfazed by nakedness, people messing themselves or being unable to do things alone. the first day i needed help with the bath cos i was pretty weak and tangled in my drips made me realise that dignity is always a concern of the patient  Even though i was unfazed by the patients position when i was an OT they weren't unconcerned and i should have acknowledged that as much as i wished someone had acknowledged that in me.

Being in hospital is traumatic and people need to debrief about it. I realised that when i read Amy's blog and remembered how i felt i needed to really talk through what i had gone through. i see that in Philippe's gran who was also in hospital in 2009 and still talks about being in hospital or my grandfather who still talks about his hip replacement that happened about 10 years ago. i see that in all the clients i assess who want to talk in detail about their accidents and treatment.

i am thankful i have medical aid! The nursing care wasn't great but my doctor was good, the ward was clean and i got treated immediately. i cannot imagine having that nasty tummy bug and having to wait 3- 5 hours to be admitted or use a toilet that wasn't clean. and they were relaxed about letting Philippe visit me at strange hours (once he was back from his holiday).

You meet interesting people in hospital. i met a couple of ladies in hospital who were fun and supportive and made the long days go quicker!

Hope that will be my only hospital visit!

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

On being (happily) married

This is something thats been on my mind as 2 fairly close friends have recently got divorced as well as a friend i have lost contact with. And to be honest it threw me... All these marriages looked great from the outside. I thought they were happy!

May i just say that i am not condemning divorce or the people who got divorced. I would never... I know how hard marriage is and realise how little we know what goes on in other peoples lives.

But what i wonder... Is marriage really about being happy? I am not advocating unhappy marriage but i dont think it is the only thing we should aspire to in marriage. Lets blame hollywood for our crazy "happily ever after" ideas about marriage! Speaking from my experience... I love being married, i love being (an effective) team but i am not always happy. a lot of the time, but not always.

What i do think marriage is about is growing and shaping us...
It is hard so it changes us (hopefully for the better)
It is together so you have to be less selfish
It is all the time so you have to sometimes suck it up even when you dont feel like it
It is 2 (in our case, opinionated, strong willed) people so you have to compromise

it is also learning to be gentle and humble and gracious and forgiving... And basically all the things i am not! And thats why it is about growing and changing.

P.S. This has been a hard, long one to write. Lots of reasons but mainly i dont want to seem offensive or know- it- all on a subject i feel i know very little on.