Grateful...

I am so grateful for so much and sometimes it is just good to remind myself...

i am grateful for:

1. Luc giggles
2. Pajamas after a long day
3. my handsome hubby
4. new fluffy pink slippers
5. mainly music (music group i attend with Luc on a tuesday). it is such fun. And chaotic. and loud and just amazing fun
6. good-for-my-soul- friends
7. skyping with my mom and mom-in-law
8. luc discovering how to crawl. At the moment he alternates between leaping forward/ little hops/ mistakenly going backwards and occassionally forward and where he wants to be
9. all stars
10. philippe playing with Luc
11. our garden (it is like a mini sanctuary)
12. how generous people are
13. this mild winter (so far). Incredibly beautiful winter skies without the inter temperatres
14. fern (my sis- in- law) who is a very special friend
15. chocolate
16. george r Martin and game of thrones books
17. luc enjoying the animals at the zoo
18. snuggling on the couch
19. (actually) picking a good dvd (i dont have the brest trach record)
20. i am who God says i am (not who i sometimes think i am)
21. flexible work so i can watch my boy grow up/ discover/ explore
22. new car with a boot that is big enough for the pram and groceries
23. macaroons
24. jeans that make me look skinny
25. kisses from my hubby

 There is so much more...
i am hugely blessed

Luc lesson

Luc is reaffirming for me that people (generally) are good and kind and happy... When i am out and about with Luc i am blown away by how people respond to him. People chat to him, smile, laugh and play with him. I have a whole new relationship with the shop assistants in my area because they remember him and ask after him. It has made me try and interact on a deeper level with those random people you come into contact with on a daily basis. I try and remember now who has kids (because LOVE sharing about their kids. It isnt only me!) and ask about them. And i try not rush around through every shop but rather take a few minutes to chat and smile with the shop assistant or the person in the queue.

Luc is teaching me...
That people are good. They are just sometimes rushed, angry, irritated or tired but generally deep down we are good
To slow down and interact...

On another note it is Luc's 9 month birthday today!!! Happy birthday my big boy.

What this is all about...

Just thinking about what my blog initially started out as... a platform to address reconciliation and racism in SA. I feel like a lot of the time lately i am talking about Luc and navigating motherhood and being a mother and wife. Reconciliation and SA still weigh heavily on my heart but for now i hope it is ok if some of my blog energy is also focused on navigating motherhood.
It is still relevant as i realise more and more the kind of world i want my boy to grow up in is a reconciled one!

So please bear with me if i have taken a mini detour through the  obstacle course of developmental milestones, nappies, car seats, sleeping (or not), eating (or not) and having my heart wandering around outside my body! Some of the obstacles will be tackling more difficult issues like racism and reconciliation and how and why and making it all better!

Mothers day and some mothering type thoughts

I had the most special mothers day... I got flowers and a card from my little Luc (thank you love for helping him write so eloquently!)
"You make the sun shine on my heart"
Just thinking about that line makes me tear up (again) and smile happy content smiles.
We went out for breakfast- me nad my boys. I love that! I love doing things with my little family!
And then lunch with my parents and brother, sis-in-law and nephew and my grandfather. Special time together- the boys did all the cooking! A braai, salad and ice cream for dessert...

Was an awesome, better than expected 1st mothers day!

What i have been thinking about all day (other than "You make the sun shine on my heart") is that Luc isnt crawling! I know, i know- development isnt a race... But it does kind of feel like it! At the music thingy we go to us- moms- of- 8- month- olds were comparing notes. My boy is the only one not crawling (and without teeth!) and that stresses me out.
It unfortunately has got me wondering what i am doing wrong or not doing...
Logically i can think his through and know that he still has loads of time!
But i want my boy to be best and to have the best! And to be seen as the best!

How hectic is this thinking??? when he is 8 months old. I am sure the competition only escalates as they get older...

So i am deliberately taking a step backwards from my crazy way of thinking! I know this boy is awesome and (in my eyes at least) perfect and super cute and completely not delayed at all.
I also know that i cannot get caught up in this comparison game- how detrimental and hurtful for my boy.
He is who he is. i need to let him be

And probably enjoy the peace!!!!

Luc lesson

Philippe was away last week and my little boy really missed his daddy. I missed Philippe too but i realise us adults pretend like we are all ok. Sometimes we are not and it is also ok to show how you are feeling. I dont know at what age we are conditioned to be so "stiff upper lipped" about stuff...

But Luc is teaching me that it is ok to miss people and show it
It is ok to be super, overwhelmingly excited to see people and show it
It is ok to have good days
It is ok to have bad days

My 2 happy boys! They didnt stop hugging each other all weekend...

How cute is Luc's jersey? Knitted by his granny!

Losing my independence

Before i met Philippe i was pretty much single. The longest relationship i had, had before Philippe was 3 months. So i was used to being single. And i was independent!
I did my own thing- when i wanted, how i wanted and where i wanted.
I went to parties on my own, i drove home late at night without a blink of an eye, i didnt let people know where i was (although i did (half seriously joke with my mom that she must please check in with me every 2nd day to check i hadnt died), i did my own thing, i watched whatever i liked on tv, i ate whatever i liked for supper (a lot of take- aways, chocolate and frequently a bag of ghost pops for supper!), i enjoyed my evenings alone but also enjoyed making last minute plans if i wanted, i liked sleeping in the MIDDLE of my queen size bed

Philippe is away at the moment. He is riding JoBerg2c- amazing man. I am so proud of him.
And i realise i have lost my independence.
I miss letting someone know where i am all the time
i miss having someone to just sit with in the evenings
i miss having someone to drive with at night
i miss finding the least awful thing on SABC with him
i miss cooking dinner for him
i miss my human hot water bottle

i worried when i got married that i would miss my independence. Sure, the 1st year (and 2nd and 3rd..) was an adjustment. But i dont miss that independence at all!