Losing a baby (and my religion)

So my previous posts about losing my religion got a lot of support and love. If you haven't read my ranting you can read it here and here. Thanks for all the love and support (virtual or real life!). it is much appreciated.

Part of what prompted my childish ranting was that I had a miscarriage. It was early on.

But sjoe it hurt...

Seeing those 2 (Yay- 2) lines on the stick was such a happy moment. And as I saw line 2 materialise I was already planning baby rooms, names and how best to announce this baby to the world. P and I were trying to think of a cool nickname for the baby... when I (we) started losing him/ her. And losing a baby, however early on, is heart breaking. I cried and ranted and sulked and wept for our babys future, their friends, their achievements, their hurts, their personality, their baby smell and a life unlived. all of which they wouldn't have.

I know loads of woman have miscarriages and sometimes without even realising... I know it probably means that our baby had something wrong with it. I know all this but it doesn't lessen the loss.

My heart cries with all the other mommys out there who have experienced this. I hope no one tries to diminish your experience of losing a child. Even if it was early, it is still a very real and painful loss.

And that is the (brief) reason I wrote about losing my religion. It is hard to reconcile a loving God with someone who lets so much heart ache happen.

BUT... he is still God. He has the same character.
And part of following him is following him even in the crap, dark night, feeling abandoned times.

So I choose to follow Jesus. I believe he is God even when I cant feel him

5 things worth fighting for

One of my friends was telling me how her grandmother said that as a mother you have to pick 5 things you feel strongly about and fight about those things because YOU CANNOT FIGHT ABOUT EVERTHING with your kids.

I think this is brilliant!

The 3 things I feel strongly about and why I chose them:

1. Respect for people. This includes how we treat people. Things like "not hitting our friends" or "listening to mommy" falls under this category. I am sure you guys are tired of hearing me say it but I want our kids to have respect for ALL people and treat ALL people well and that's why this is no 1.

2. Hygiene. Brushing teeth, bathing, washing hands, blowing noses etc... This is NOT about being neat and tidy cos honestly that isn't us. Eating healthily also falls under here but this is still a work in progress because Luc hasn't ingested a vegetable for about 10 months! If you have miracle cures for how to get toddlers to eat veggies please tell me :).

3. Routine. This has made for happier Luc and happier mom and dad and so I am all for routine BUT (and it is a huge but) it should be a routine that is flexible!

I am still thinking about what the others will be and if I come up with anything I will let you know...

What I haven't chosen:

• Being neat/ clean/ tidy. Philippe and I aren't so I don't think we can expect our kids to be... This has also been quite a relief to let go of. If Luc makes a mess I try not to get upset about it and try and get him to help clean up...
• As a rule I try to teach Luc not to break things but I am also not going to get upset if he breaks a toy or it is not in pristine condition.